Friends and Family, we are overjoyed to announce the arrival of our 3rd child, Blog Walton. Born August 10, 2015 weighing in at 29 views and 11 sessions.
Three months ago I joined the 57,648,291 (this number was reached after extensive research but changes on the daily so please do not quote said stats without doing your own research) mom bloggers floating around the WWWdot and overhauled my fledgling digital diary to create a public blog to share with the world (or at least the patrons of my social media accounts).
As a hobby blogger, wife, and hostage of a Baby-Toddler prison I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into. I have since learned all about social media algorithms (never thought I’d use that word again) and search engine optimization (yes that’s a foreign language. Check out number 8 for more information), but most importantly, I have discovered the secret behind mom bloggers.
Bloggers love mom blogs. Moms love mom blogs. Not-yet-moms love mom blogs. Some smart men are learning to love mom blogs. Basically- we all love mom blogs because Moms Make Great Bloggers and I am here to tell you why.
Having a blog is exactly like having a baby!!
1. We joyfully proclaim their arrival to all of social media.
Both the Lees had Instagram hashtags and Facebook albums well before their actual arrival. Within moments of their birth I was blasting squishy faced, greasy eyed newborn photos and stats onto social media.
The launch of A Kreative Whim was celebrated with the creation of it’s own Facebook page, Twitter account, and Instagram handle.
A Kreative Whim’s debut may have been more akin to the #photodumps of Baby 1; full of typos and less than stellar graphics. Well hello there newbie blogger! I see you with your iPhone pictures and forgetable titles. (You know us new moms! Even the ever unflattering up-the-nose-with-27-chins shots are just the cutest thing ever. Sorry Baby 1’s! At least we have pictures of you!)
2. They keep you up at night.
The rest of the house is sleeping but I’m
wide awake snuggling a restless baby, giving bottles, and changing diapers. She’s finally asleep but I’m on high alert listening to her breathe and reaching across the edge of the Rock-n-Play to feel her tiny chest rise and fall.
Long after my husband starts snoring I’m
going strong awake editing pictures and tweaking blog posts. When I finally crawl in bed my mind races with ideas for new posts and fears about the future of my growing child. Am I doing enough to keep Baby Blog breathing? How do I bring in new readers to give her life and grow?
3. They require constant feeding.
Have you ever had a baby that cluster feeds?
Well I have. Twice. It’s a long, slow torture. For 4-5 hours at a time I would sit around half-naked nursing my babies for 45 minutes at a time with 15-20 minute breaks
and loving every second of the bonding experience and wondering why people enjoy this bonding M.I.S.E.R.Y. Until I just can’t take another second and break down and dig out my pump (which is an entirely different form of torture we will talk about another day).
Guess whaaaatt? Baby Blog cluster feeds, too. In the early days it’s a race to add new content and keep readers coming back. Fill that baby up! Share posts, tweet posts, link posts, pin posts… Feed. Feed. Feed!
4. Yours is the smartest, funniest and most adorable… And then you meet your friend’s
My Big Lee was a fun, sassy baby. She was friendly and funny and practically a baby genius… And then I met my friends’ kids. I was so proud when Big Lee could babble two semi-recognizable words. Meanwhile her buddies at church were rattling off the names of classmates (My child was still in the midst of an identity crisis and had renamed herself to Abbey) and singing entire renditions of the Hotdog Song. What was wrong with my kid??! Why wasn’t she developing at the same speed as everyone else? Clearly Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is more educational than Frozen for the 818th time.
Every blogger knows we play the comparison game. How long have you been blogging! Only 3 months? You have 2 syndicated posts already? Oh- and you have a post going viral right now? How exciting! Just curious- how are you looking on Facebook fans?
What am I doing wrong?! My blog is as good as theirs right?
And then I spend hours trying to concoct the perfect formula for success. Maybe if I spent 30 more minutes scheduling Facebook shares and connected with these 5 bloggers, and tweaked this post just a bit my blog would be as successful as hers.
5. There is a full-fledged social media celebration for every little milestone.
Check it out, Facebook! Little Lee is rolling over and Big Lee can tee-tee in the potty! Oh you want more? Head over to Instagram for the filtered photos and a few video clips! Give me all the high five and thumbs up emoticons!
Holy Cow! I hit 10,000 blog views in only 3 months! Give me some love and share this post!
Guess what, guys?? My blog is being syndicated and my favorite blogger ever just retweeted my post! #Winning!
(Ahem, some of these events have not actually happened. Yet.)
6. They make you question your sanity.
I love being “Mama”. My kids are “too stinkin’ cute” and I usually miss them a little once I put them to bed. (There are moments I have considered waking them up just to snuggle… MOMS! This is a bad, bad idea!) But at least once every. single. day. I think, What have I gotten myself into? I have to feed and dress these tiny humans again? Do I really have to let Doc McBigLee give me one more check up?
I just want to go to the bathroom alone!
And then I see my computer staring menacingly from the corner. Do I have to open you today? Can’t I skip one day of joining link parties, replying to comments, and creating original, humorous material to ruthlessly litter across all my friends’ news feeds?
I just want to sit on the couch and watch Ellen!
7. You are most definitely ruining their life.
I have a two-nager that makes it extremely clear I am absolutely ruining her life. She melts down in utter disbelief that “Elmo” (known to the rest of the world as an iPad) can’t take a bath with her, sometimes I open the pantry for something other than suckers (thanks, Halloween!), and going outside at 9 pm in the rain is just not happening (Yes, my kids are still awake at 9 pm. Every night.). I have a feeling her next 5 word phrase will be “You are ruining my life!!!!!”
From my blog stats page hear Baby Blog’s tantrums. “MAMA! You can’t just write a new post and forget to smear it all over social media! Will you buy me a Facebook ad? It’s only $5!!! WHY NOT??? You are ruining my life!“
And just like I second-guess so many of my parenting decisions (Is it really that bad to hand over my iPhone to keep her quiet while I’m grocery shopping?!? Will it really rob her of her imagination and put a permanent curve in her neck?) I frequently find myself rewriting posts after hitting publish. (Does this sentence make sense? Do I sound like an idiot? Am I the only person that thinks my blog and my baby are similar? No, really- Am I?)
8. They make you bilingual.
When my Big Lee talks my husband looks at me with a panicked expression and I know what he’s thinking, “Did you catch any of that?”
Yes, honey- I gotcha covered. She is asking you to go to the playroom with her. And do you want some water.
Blogging is much the same. When I started blogging I was googling terms like “SEO”, “link party”, “views”, and “sessions”. I was hopping on Urban Dictionary to type in acronyms so I wouldn’t sound like a newbie blogger among all my new virtual friends and reading blog posts on topics about social media algorithms and analytics.
9. They both guarantee induction into a secret society you knew nothing about (obviously that’s why it was a secret).
The second your “thickening waist” (thanks Baby Center weekly updates, I had no idea that my waist was looking “thicker” and most people just thought I ate a really big lunch instead of growing a baby. I’m so glad you pointed that one out.) pops into an undeniable human incubator you start getting “the look” from every female you pass. The tiny smile that says, “Hey mama! We are in this together!”. And when your two-nager and baby are screaming at you while you run through Publix with your sunglasses on they just wink and pat your back, “You aren’t alone, Mama! I’m stuffing my kids full of free cookies to prolong the inevitable.”
Bloggers- we are part of a not-so-secret society, too. One that bares our souls to all the world and tries to elicit extreme emotion from our readers. We measure our success in belly laughs and tear drops. Every blogger that “likes”, comments, and shares my posts is giving me a virtual shoulder squeeze,
“I’m in this with you, blogger mom! I know you’re pretty sure DFCS and Grandma are in a race to your front door to rescue your children because you are plainly in a volatile state but some mama out there needed a good cry today (or maybe a laugh at your expense!).”
10. You have absolutely no clue what you are doing with either of them!
I have spent the last 27 months poring over mom blogs for answers. When can I start solid food? What should come first? How do I make my own baby food? What do I use to dry up my milk? How do I prepare Baby 1 for Baby 2? What do I do if Baby 1 hates Baby 2? How can I survive the winter with a toddler? Best homemade Mothers’ Day gifts? Send me all the answers, please! Because I have no clue what I’m doing!
I remember telling a friend, “I think you are a new mom until you have your second kid. Because everything IS new until you get to that point.” (Just so you know, I was wrong. I still don’t really know what I’m doing. They are nothing alike. I’m doing everything different. And now I have to keep 2 of them alive!!!!)
Let me tell you what I know about blogging. I know absolutely nothing about blogging! Every day someone throws out a Facebook post (Did you know there are entire groups devoted just to bloggers???) and I have no clue what they are talking about until I hit up the Google search bar.
Blog posts that I spend hours cultivating and cackle over while I am typing because I think I am absolutely hysterical (or maybe just delirious. Probably, most definitely delirious) leave me hearing crickets. And blogs that I throw together on a whim and toss out to the WWW., punctuation errors, crappy images and all start burning up my news feed.
I pore over blogs about blogging (yes, those actually do exist!) trying to figure out the exactly perfect combination of funny, fresh, Pinterest-worthy, shareable words before I throw my hands up in the air in frustration, slam my computer shut and just. go. to. bed.
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